~featured~

lots of times i find myself procrastinating my life away by perusing blogs and the blogger girls are always talking about how they're featured on some other blog. and i don't really know what the eff that means. i think it's like an interview or something? like they're playing celebrity? "marie claire sits down with _____ over a fresh bowl of mixed greens, poached salmon, and a white wine spritzer to talk crash diets, fashion, and what else....boys!" sometimes i'm like "why am i not invited to pretend to be famous and talk about these things?" and then i remember who i am and am all "oh. right." and then i go eat a doughnut or something.

but today i am taking a stand. i, morgan wood, am conducting my own "featured interview" on my own blog. i understand that this is groundbreaking and extremely prestigious. and maybe one day, i will randomly choose someone out of my three followers (one of which is my mom) and feature them on my blog where they will have the opportunity to dish. are you ready ladies????????

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fresh off her latest blogger win, i sit down with the blog world's newest it girl, morgan wood. she arrives fashionably late (a short six hours) with her team in tow. wearing a RDHGBDKOIF dress and froiclaffjaikljd shoes, from his latest collection i might add, (LUST!) she is the epitome of that one french word.

interview person: morgan, first off i just want to start by saying how pretty you are.

morgan: thanks.

interview person: so tell me, what inspired you to start this blog?

morgan: how much people suck. that's what inspired me.

pause. sometimes in fancy interviews they do something cool and start using initials. guess who has two thumbs and thinks she's cool enough to do that?

i.p: tell me, how do you put your outfits together? is there a trick to dressing like you?

m: i just go to my closet and pick stuff out. sometimes i match.

i.p: you recently had a real iconic moment when you wore this number.

m: yeah, people were really inspired by this look. funny enough, i didn't even have a stylist help me.

i.p: really? wow! i'm so impressed!

m: yeah, everything in my life just comes really easy for me.

i.p: you're known for your fashion posts,----m rudely interrupts: no i'm not.

i.p: ......you take pictures of your outfits and tell everyone where you got each piece. can you tell me about that?

m: i don't do that. but if you want me to, i will.

i.p: aboslutely! the readers would love that.

m: alright, well....i like to call this first look 'where's waldo'. i got the shirt at some store and the jeans at another store.

i.p: this is just a crappy drawing you did on your computer.

m: no it's not.

m: my second look is a little more dressy. you can wear it on like a date or somewhere that requires not sweatpants. also, you should probably shave your legs with an outfit like this. sometimes, i all the time forget to do that.

i.p: clearly this is a false representation of yourself. you even took the time to draw boobs?!?

m: THIS IS MY INTERVIEW, I'LL DO WHATEVER THE EFF I WANT.

i.p: .....................

m: *holding eye contact like a champ*

i.p: ok, well let's move on then.

m: yes. let's.

i.p: are there any diet tips you might want to share?

m: no. i still don't even know what that word means.

i.p: what about beauty secrets? any little tidbits that might help your readers?

m: ummmmm....sure. always carry an extra set of tweezers in your purse. you never know when that stray chin hair will pop up. uhhhh don't bite your nails. bloody stubs aren't that attractive. oh! and drink lots of soda, i hear it's really good for your skin.

i.p: actually, i think you have it backwards. soda is actually really bad for your skin.

m: no further questions.